Some Humors Between Teachers and Students_幽默英语

1) teacher: how old were you on your last birthday?
student: seven.
teacher: how old will you be on your next birthday?
student: nine.
teacher: that's impossible.
student: no, it isn't, teacher. i'm eight today.

2) teacher: george, go to the map and find north america.
george: here it is!
teacher: correct. now, class, who discovered america?
class: george!

3) teacher: willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
willy: me!

4) substitute teacher: are you chewing gum?
billy: no, i'm billy anderson.

5) teacher: alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
alfred: i get up early.

6)teacher: tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
tommy: well, i'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

7)harold: teacher, would you punish me for something i didn't do?
teacher: of course not.
harold: good, because i didn't do my homework.

8)teacher: why are you late?
webster: because of the sign.
teacher: what sign?
webster: the one that says, "school ahead, go slow."

9)teacher: i hope i didn't see you looking at don's paper.
john: i hope you didn't either.

10)gary: i don't think i deserve a zero on this test.
teacher: i agree, but it's the lowest mark i can give you.

11)mother: why did you get such a low mark on that test?
junior: because of absence.
mother: you mean you were absent on the day of the test?
junior: no, but the kid who sits next to me was.

12)silvia: dad, can you write in the dark?
father: i think so. what do you want me to write?
sylvia: your name on this report card.

13)teacher: well, at least there's one thing i can say about your son.
father: what's that?
teacher: with grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

14) teacher: in this box, i have a 10-foot snake.
sammy: you can't fool me, teacher... snakes don't have feet.

15) hygiene teacher: how can you prevent deseases caused by biting
insects?
jose: don't bite any.

16) teacher: ellen, give me a sentence starting with "i".
ellen: i is...
teacher: no, ellen. always say, "i am."
ellen: all right... "i am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

17) teacher: max, use "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence.
max: the rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.

18) mother: why on earth did you swallow the money i gave you?
junior : you said it was my lunch money.

19) teacher: if you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
sasha: a new bike.

20) teacher: if you had one dollar and you asked your father for  another, how many dollars would you have?
vincent: one dollar.

21) teacher(sadly): you don't know your arithmetic.
vincent(sadly): you don't know my father.

22) teacher: if i had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would i have?
class comedian: big hands!

23) boy: isn't the principal(校长） a dummy!
girl: say, do you know who i am?
boy: no.
girl: i'm the principal's daughter.
boy: and do you know who i am?
girl: no.
boy: thank goodness!

24)teacher: didn't you promise to behave?
student: yes, sir.
teacher: and didn't i promise to punish you if you didn't?
student: yes, sir, but since i broke my promise, i don't expect you to keep yours.