Whats your anger type?_英文原版

 
is your temper controlling you?

when it comes to getting mad do you bottle it up or blow up? psychologist jennifer garth reveals the common anger types and how you can defuse that angry outburst.

every day brings situations with the potential to push our buttons: traffic jams, unfair criticism, unexpected delays, rude, obnoxious people.

but how we handle our anger can make or break our relationships - it can even affect our health.

we all handle anger in different ways depending on our anger type. the key to managing your anger in a healthy way is to understand your type.

find out what your type is, and follow our tips on how to deal with it.

explosive

explosive types are short fused and have a tendency to suddenly blow up. the good news is explosive anger is short and intense.

the bad news is you can do a lot of damage in a few minutes.

road rage, assaults and irreparable damage to relationships all usually occur during an explosive episode.

deal with it: know your high-risk situations. they're the times you're likely to say or do something you'll regret.

once you know what your triggers are, have strategies in place that will release the pressure the moment it starts to build.

one strategy is counting to 10. it's age-old advice that works.

when you start counting, you shift your focus from the thoughts that are driving your anger, giving you a chance to calm down and approach the problem constructively.

avoid drinking too much coffee and alcohol and get plenty of sleep. not enough sleep can make you bad-tempered.

deep breathing, relaxation techniques and physical exercise can lower your arousal levels and help you feel calmer.

aggressive

aggressive anger comes from the belief that you're right, they're wrong and your needs are more important than everyone else's.

you believe you have the right to get what you want, when you want it - and you'll spit the dummy if anyone tries to stand in your way.

you use intimidation, guilt, humiliation, manipulation and put-downs to get what you want.

the problem is you don't inspire closeness and vulnerability in others and you may find it gets lonely always being right.

deal with it: ditch the inflexible, rigid expectations that things must always go your way.

that doesn't mean you accept unreasonable behaviour without challenging it, but it would help if you stopped blaming others for making you angry.

remember, it's your unrealistic demands that are winding you up.

take a step back from your problems and ask yourself: is this something i really need to get upset about?

try and see if there's a funny side. laughing diffuses anger and helps put things back in perspective.

long-term

you have a tendency to hold onto a grudge - for months, sometimes years. long-term anger is the result of unrealistic expectations and revisiting old grievances.

stretched over long periods of time, the anger can consume your energy, leave you feeling drained and affect your health.

deal with it: you might feel so resentful about a past hurt that you don't want to let it go. but ask yourself who you are hurting by staying angry.

if you're wasting energy rehashing old grievances then you're only hurting yourself. by switching off your anger you free yourself to get on with your life.

disguised

instead of getting angry, you cry. or you blame yourself for feeling distressed, when really you should have given that so-and-so a piece of your mind.

you might think you have to be nice all the time, but if you don't express your anger you run the risk of not getting your needs met.

deal with it: if you continue to put up with offensive behaviour, you're indirectly encouraging it.

you need to take the risk of expressing your feelings in an appropriate way.

let people close to you know when something is bothering you. keeping feelings of anger inside takes energy and can cause health as well as relationship problems.

passive aggressive

if you're passive aggressive you suppress your anger. on the surface you act as though everything is fine, but inside you seethe with resentment.

instead of confronting the problem you resort to undermining tactics like silence and withdrawal to punish those who upset you.

passive aggressive behaviour makes everyone feel bad - most of all, you.

it undermines relationships, prevents you from resolving problems and achieving your personal and professional goals.

deal with it: it's healthy to be angry if you think you have been unfairly treated, but it's unhealthy to hold it in.

pent-up anger can cause physical and psychological problems, so get in the habit of releasing it. talk about the issues that make you angry.

you make me so angry!

the do's and don'ts of dealing with anger in your relationship.

don't try to force your partner to change.
do accept that there are some things about your partner that you can't change.

don't expect your partner to meet all your needs.
do go elsewhere for the interests that your partner doesn't share.

don't let yourself be pressured into doing things you don't want to do.
do get in the habit of saying "no". express how you feel honestly and openly.

don't make assumptions. if something bothers you, it might not bother your partner.
do take responsibility for your problems.

don't get angry with your partner because you have conflicting needs.
do express what you want and aim for a compromise.

don't blame your partner for everything that's wrong in the relationship.
do ask, "what can i do to solve this problem?"

don't hang on to rigid expectations of how your partner ought to behave.
do view your beliefs as preferences rather than absolute truths.

don't try to control your partner's perceptions, beliefs or behaviour.
do learn to listen to your partner.

don't bludgeon your partner with anger because he/she broke your rules.
do recognise rigid and unrealistic expectations.